New Year, New Me

It's hard to imagine right now that this time last year I wasn't even close to getting my shit together. In fact, my blog timeline tells me that it's ONLY been 6 months, one week and one day since I started the journey. Six months ago that my Dad encouraged me to consider getting a lap band. Heck. Six months ago I only vaguely knew what a lap band was and was barely aware that I'd crossed well over the line of being eligible for weightloss surgery.

I'm about 26lbs from my initial goal. It amuses me that people are shocked to realise that I could possibly have 26 more lbs to go before I'm in a healthy weight range. I am determined to not obsess over a number on a scale and instead, once i get into a healthy range, will focus on how i look and feel. I'm 186.6 today and looking damned good in size 10 pants and medium tops. Not too shabby at just 5 5 1/2 inches tall.

Just over a week ago I had a slight unfill because Betsy had tightened her grip to the point where I couldn't keep liquids down. Next Thursday I'm scheduled for a top up. As much as i hated sometimes the forced chew chew chew and tiny bites, I've missed having that the past few days.

I'm starting 2011 as a MUCH healthier and happier me than I was a year ago and for that, I am so thankful.

Christmas and unfill damage

so i was up 2.6lbs since last thursday. but i'm still rockin the size 10 pants so no biggie...

i certainly didn't consume 2.6lbs extra worth of food, but being away for the long holiday weekend, every meal was eaten out except christmas dinner and so there's lots of extra sodium n stuff. plus.... TMI warning.... I haven't pooped in DAYS...... usually coffee n benefiber get things flowing, but not this week. i'm sure there's 2.6lbs of poop waiting to be released.

ah well.... i am scheduled for a top up with my surgeon next thursday so will have to wade my way through what's turning out to be non-stop parties this weekend.... argh.... i can do this. i WILL do this. Just a heck of a lot easier when Betsy won't let a damned thing through the pipelines.

Ciao

She did it again

She does it every single time. I'm talking about Betsy the Band. Everytime I begin to lament that perhaps I don't have enough restriction and need to get a fill (or i this case, a re-fill) she reminds me that she is indeed here and doing her job.
I grabbed a bag of potato chips on my way back to work just now and ate about 1/2 the bag. Until I realised I was stuck. Stuck enough that it wasn't going to go down and so into the bathroom I went and up came the chips. Barbeque if you were wondering. Ugh.
I did have a revelation that squatting at the toilet is strangely easier and more comfortable when wearing boots with heels. lol

Otherwise all's well. I brought in some soup for lunch. wondering if that's going to go down ok now that i've had a pb incident.

Still going to talk with Sam about getting a refill when I weigh in tomorrow morning. By my scales I'm up about a pound or a pound and a half.... not devastating by a long shot and compared to the damage i'd usually do over the holidays, it's pretty damned good. Still.... I'm hungry much sooner than i was before i had to have the unfill and i can definitely eat a lot more than i was able to..... we'll see.

Yes, Viriginia, There IS a Santa Claus

Because that's the only way I can explain the fact that today I bought, and am wearing size 10 pants! I went into TJ Maxx this afternoon and picked up a few pairs of pants and jeans in both sizes 10 and 8. Once again, I didn't bother trying them on because I'm a size 12... right?!?!?!

When I got home i tried on one pair of the 10s - they fit, but are too snug for prime time. But... two pairs of jeans and a pair of black slacks fit and look great!!!!

Best Christmas present EVER :)

I also picked up a few more size medium tops and even scored one that my mom bought without trying on and when she got home decided she didn't like it. i tried it on and she said since it looked good on me she'd MUCH rather i have it than she have to go back to the store to return it.

On the band band front.... post fill, Betsy is still doing her job. I flew on an early morning flight today so didn't have breakfast. On the plane i opted for the tiny 170-cal pack of cashews... managed to eat about  of them and had enough.

We didn't manage to get to eat lunch until about 1 and I ordered this lovely ahi tuna and avocado appetizer. I ate about a third of it plus about 5 pieces of edamame and realised I was satisfied. Burping now seems to be my body's signal to me to put down the fork.

I've been drinking a lot... I think my body's still trying to replenish what I lost earlier in the week when I was too tight. In any event, this feels good.

Merry Christmas eve my friends. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Relief

***weigh in update - Lost another 2.6lbs this week for a grand total of 77.8 in 6months 1week and 1day since starting the journey.  Holy shmokes. and my size 12 pants that i got two weeks ago are quite roomy. a few people told me yesterday that my pants are too big and it's time to get new ones!

***************************

Dr D is a rock star i tell you!

I called Sam and explained that Betsy had tightened her grip and wasn't letting go and she agreed that I couldn't keep going as I was (was worried for a second that she might think i was trying to get loosened up for Christmas). She got in touch with Dr D and I ended up meeting him inbetween cases at the hospital yesterday afternoon..
He took everything out to confirm that I still had 6cc and we put 5cc back in. I sat there for about 5 minutes drinking my water. I filled my big 24-oz tervis tumbler that morning and had only managed about 2 sips before the unfill and after i was loosened up a bit i was able to drink more than half of it right away. ahhhhhhh.... relief!

He gave me his cell phone and told me to call him anytime if there was a problem. Did I say already that he's a rock star?!?!

When I got home I had a half cup of Mom's pea soup and I chewed all the bits of potato beans ham and turkey really well and it all went down without the pains I've been having with eating of late. Relief.... I feel as if there's still some restriction because it was slow going.

Went to a staff party last night and drank lots more water and had about 4 or 5 chips with dip and 2 cookies and was good. I can tell that getting through the holidays there's going to be a lot more work on my part than on Betsy's but I'm up for the challenge.

Dr D says he wants to see me in about a month unless there are any problems. Since I HAVE to weigh in at his office every week we'll be monitoring my weight loss with 5cc and i'll closely monitor my consumption ability and hunger and see if we need to go up perhaps another 1/2cc to reach a sweet spot that's not to restrictive.

Am going for my official weigh in in about an hour and will update this post when I get back.

I'm headed to Florida in the morning to skip Christmas with my parents who leave this afternoon. Looking forward to a relaxed holiday weekend!

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it and Happy Saturday to those who don't :)

Scheduling an unfill

I just slimed and pb'd on my vanilla latte. that settles it.

I've been miserably tight and sore for  couple of days now. Anything I ate has hurt going down and not much has gone down before I felt stuck. Yesterday I was having a rough morning and water was a challenge. For some reason I decided I wanted McDonalds Chicken Nuggets for lunch. I've not had fast food of any sort for about 7-8 months so not sure where that came from. Anyway. I ate three of them very, very slowly and had a few french fries and was full beyond belief. On my way home I decided to eat two more (never mind that they were cold). When I got home I realised they weren't moving and I was sliming so into the bathroom and up they came. (I think that experience has put me off of Chicken nuggets for good). Last night I was struggling to get my cranberry juice down and after an entire evening of feeling horribly stuck and non-stop hica-burping, i started sliming and pb'd the cranberry juice.
So all I ate yesterday was three chicken nuggets and a few fries.
I've been getting headaches which I think are a result of dehydration.
This morning I had a sip of cold water and that didn't feel so great, so I headed to Starbucks for a latte.
As I said in my opening sentence, that didn't work out so well.
So at 9am I'm calling to see if Dr D can get me in today or tomorrow to take a wee bit out. I'm a bit nervous about opening things up, but I'm rational and know that this new level of tightness is NOT good for me at all.
I'm flying to Florida Friday morning for Christmas and even though it's a short flight and I didn't experience additional tightness as a result of flying a few weeks ago, I don't want to go over there and risk having major eating and drinking problems (as if it could get worse that pb'ing a freakin latte) while I'm away.

Sorry for all the moaning and groaning. Will leave you with a funny.

I made a personalised video for my 5-yo niece Isabel from Santa. We watched it last night and she loved it.

At the end, Santa says 'remember isabel, I'm counting on you.
Without skipping a beat she says 'and I'm counting on you, Santa.'

I thought we were all going to die of laughter!

Here's the link. If you have little ones, I highly recommend taking 5 minutes to do the video. It's free and it's priceless!

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv/home

Cool giveaway

Do you know Eggface?

If you don't already follow her, you're missing out on some great meal ideas.

And.... now you're missing out on a chance to win one of her cool bento boxes.

Cheers!

edited - the link is above if you click on the word win -- but here it is again in case that doesn't work for everyone - http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2010/12/ho-ho-bento-holiday-giveaway.html

Weigh in Day

Down another half pound this week..... a week when I was away Thursday through Monday! Love it!

Sometimes more is more

I'm talking about clothing.

It's rather chilly down here this week (no comments from you northerners... it's cold... i swear). Anyway, I'm wearing a turtleneck, the denim blazer i'm wearing in my last post, a pair of fitted but not tight jeans and my new suede boots. I am fully covered from tip to toe and still, i've been getting compliments from men and women all day long. one guy just told me i walk nicely. i chuckled because all i keep thinking is dear god please don't let me fall down in these heels!!!

It's been a really nice day full of nsvs and i wanted to share that even when we get thinner we don't have to dress in a revealing way to look hot :)

Incredible Shrinking Woman and pic

Holy cow.

I went shopping in Florida this weekend for the first time since starting my weight loss journey.

I bought a couple pairs of size 14 pants to get me through the holiday season and also bought a few pairs of size 12 pants because I found good deals on them. I didn't bother trying them on because I'm wearing 14's.

Well as i was packing last night I decided to try them on just to get an idea of how much longer before they fit. Lo and behold... I am a size frickin' 12! Three different pairs in three different styles, by three different designers in three different types of fabric. All size 12 and all FIT now!!!!

So instead of leaving them at the apartment in Florida until I'm back for Christmas in 2 weeks, I brought them home. In fact, I'm wearing one pair today!!!!

And on the top..... I was shocked to find that in most things I tried on, I'm a medium. wowzers. i'm the incredible shrinking woman.

So I guess when I head over in 2 weeks I'll have to start looking at 10's. To think that not too long ago I was bursting out of my size 20's.

It was SUCH a treat to go into dressing rooms and pick and choose whether I LIKED something and not just buy it because it actually fit and didn't look TOO hideous! I got some cool outfits and the only thing I couldn't find were long boots to fit over my still-monster calves!!!!

Eating wasn't bad over the weekend. Both friends I travelled with are two of my biggest supporters and were good about trying to find restaurants that would work for me. I was fine Thursday, Friday and Saturday and even though I didn't eat a lot.... it seemed it was more than usual and I began wondering if I'd soon need another fill. Well Sunday came and Betsy let me know in no uncertain terms that no fill is needed. We joined some girlfriends who live in S. Florida for a lovely brunch and I managed to eat the two poached eggs and a few little bits of lobster that came with my lobster eggs benedict..... and then we just had dinner. I had a few tortilla chips with amazing artichoke and spinach dip and got stuck like no one's business. It seemed to settle a while later and I managed a few sips of the soup part of my clam chowder and then a few bites of snow crab legs and mashed potatoes.... but nothing much.

Here's a pic of my friends and I at brunch. What I notice is that I look NORMAL!!! I look just like they do even if they are all a few sizes smaller... i don't look like the fat friend in the group!

Ok my lovelies - back to work!

another big week

Down another 4lbs this week for a total loss so far of 74.8! Wow!

So glad I just sat tight during those weeks where I lost a single pound or nothing at all. Betsy is doing her job and i am doing mine.

It was about Monday night or Tuesday before I could eat properly after that stoooopid run-in with the dough. Now I'm back to normal, but still have tremendous restriction. One of these days I'll learn to take up only the food i can realistically expect to eat.... this morning i filled a container with rice and curried chicken and potatoes and even though it was nothing compared to what i'd have taken in for lunch pre-band.... it was wayyyyyyy too much food for me now.

i'm travelling for the first time since being filled to the brim later this afternoon. it's a short flight over to south florida so hoping the flight doesn't tighten me up any more.

i spent hours last night going through all my clothes and sorting out those that really don't fit any more. i have three pairs of pants that fit me now and none in the next size down so i'll be buying mainly 12's and 10's on this weekend getaway as well as a few things in my current size to get me through the holiday festivities.

it's going to be sooooooooooo weird not heading straight to Lane Bryant and Avenue on this trip!!! In fact, I'm really not sure where to go.... will figure it out quickly I'm sure.

Ciao ladies and have a fab weekend

battle of the band

betsy is winning. I'm having a terrible band weekend and I have only myself to blame.

it all started Friday when I got some pea soup and dough for lunch. why I decided to try to see if the dough could go down is beside me. we don't have suet dumplings in our soups here.... no.... these are delicious, thick, gummy, can't be chewed for nothing discs of flour and water.
so as you can guess... I got stuck after a few bites.... very stuck. slime and pb stuck.
a half hour later, idiot me decides to try and force it down again. same results.
I was able to eat some curried chicken and rice that mom made for dinner..... verrrrrrrry slowly (I'm so hating eating cold food)
today i took my niece and nephew to the movies (tangled was fun!) and we had Wendy's for lunch. I had some of a cheese and bacon baked potato, and while it didn't get stuck, I could tell that betsy and my tummy are still mad at me for the whole dough episode..... dinner tonight was a super tender pot roast with steamed veggies and booked new potatoes... I got down a few bites and there was some slime action, but no pb and my insides have ben burning And sore (not relax-like burning though) ever since. I think tomorrow will be liquids only....

ugh and ouch

interesting lap band article

My surgeon and I were talking about this yesterday... I hope the FDA does approve lap band for a lower BMI..... I had the same food and weight-related problems at 230lbs as I did at 262.5lbs when I was eligible based on the 40 BMI.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/02/business/02obese.html?ex=1306904400&en=ada841dec69fa0c0&ei=5087&WT.mc_id=BU-D-I-NYT-MOD-MOD-M178-ROS-1210-HDR&WT.mc_ev=click

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WellnessNews/fda-panel-lap-band-expansion/story?id=12296562

Seventy Sounds Sweet

As of last night I'm officially down almost 71lbs. that's in 5 months, 2 weeks and 4 days. Wow.

I had a follow-up appointment with my surgeon yesterday evening and he's really happy with my weight loss progress. Even though it still feels slow to me, I'm just over 2lbs a week average since surgery and that's right where he wants me.

we agreed that there was no need for a fill. i have good restriction and am only hungry when i should be and satisfied with tiny portions. at least i know that when i feel it's time for a fill, i won't have to jump through any damned hoops to get one!

one thing i did tell him was that for the first time in my life i'm losing weight (even if it is slowly) without having to diet. I mean I am following the bandster rules of protein, small portions, chew chew chew, eat slowly, etc.... but i'm not denying myself anything and am really enjoying my food.
i've lost weight in the past, but it's always been through following diets that were really not sustainable for life... and the minute i eased up, the weight came back on. i know that this tool has broken that ugly cycle.

itty bitty portions... and poop

This is my plate from Thanksgiving. When I was serving it up, I was chuckling because I knew my eyes (and the serving spoons) were bigger than my belly... but I was determined to take what I wanted and eat what I could. Now I realise why my friends were all laughing at me.... I thought I'd overdone it and there was really nothing on the plate to start with.... I ate a good amount by eating sloooooowly and chewing well.... but had to share the pic because it makes me laugh out loud!!!

on a completely different topic.... if you've read my blog from the start you know about my bowel issues. well they've gotten far worse post surgery and fill since now i really am eating mostly protein and not getting a lot of fibre in. this weekend i decided it was time for some more smooth move tea.... that stuff really does the job, but i need to find a solution that will work. i can (and certainly should) add more fruits and veggies in by juicing in the mornings... but i know that in juicing i'm stripping out much of the fibre that would help with this particular problem. anyone else suffer in this way? anyone have any ideas????

the best NSVs EVER!!!!

At thanksgiving dinner with a group of friends last night one of the friends told me that tomorrow she has her first appt with a nutritionist and wellness centre (different one in our programme than the one i was assigned to). She said she's been so inspired by my progress that she just has to get on board. I'm not sure if she's a candidate for surgery, but the fact that she's taking control by making the necessary appointments is so fantastic. she said when she called to make the appt, the nutritionist asked if she didn't want to wait until january after the holiday season.... she said no 'jessica advised me to get in now so that i can get through the holidays in a sensible way and not end up with another 10-15lbs to lose in the new year!'

and just got a message from another friend who was there last night. she was banded 3 years ago and was unfilled when she got pregnant. well she's now cleared for a fill and after talking with me about it, she too has decided to go get one BEFORE christmas!

these nsv's outweigh all the compliments and being called 'skinny' that I got last night by far. i'm so happy that i was open about what i'm doing because in addition to it not being a burden of a secret for me, it's inspiring others to make similar changes in their lives!


thanksgiving dinner was great. we had wayyyyyyyy too much food. always happens when you do potluck. i had a little bit of only the things i really wanted to try or things i can't get any time.... i didn't come close to clearing my plate and took ages to eat.

strange thing happened though. I did the same with dessert. we had sooooooo many delicious looking homemade options and i took a tiny bit of a few of them to try. for some reason they all tasted really tinny and fake.... i didn't enjoy them so i stopped and tossed the plate. would never have done that in my past life!

I feel like last night i ate far more than i've been able to since getting my fill and there wasn't a single sensation of being stuck. at all. i realise that this could be because i've learned the hard way that i need to really chew, chew chew and take it sloooooooooooooooowwwwww. so not sure if i'm just learning how to eat and so able to get more in, or if i need a fill. i definitely need to start measuring all my food out so i can get a sense of how much is going in.

mornings are still rough though... it's 9:30 and i've eaten 1/4 banana and can't seem to get any more in!

ahhhhhh life with a band!

turkey for the rest of my life!

had my first thanksgiving dinner last night. please note that we do not officially celebrate Thanksgiving here in The Bahamas but have a national tendency to adopt whatever traditions look good to us :)

it was at my service club's monthly dinner meeting. it's always buffet style, but i went prepared with tupperware containers anyway. i filled up my plate with mashed potatoes, stuffing, green beans, turkey and LOTS O gravy. ate a little bit of everything and was satisfied. i'd bought two dinner tickets because i'd invited a friend who never showed, so went back and got more turkey to supplement my starch and veggie leftovers and drowned that in LOTS O gravy and now have turkey to last the week.

Perhaps I should mention that a group of friends and I are doing Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night too and so it doesn't look like i'll be having a meal that doesn't include turkey for a while.

an old flame came online yesterday to tell me that i look awesome. he stopped by our bake stall over the weekend... said he almost didn't recognise me and that he had to tell his wife who i was! love those kinds of compliments.

another close friend told me that a pick of me from earlier this year popped up on the side of her facebook page the other day and she almost died. as she pointed out, when you see someone all the time, you don't realise how big they are. it's only now that i'm a size 14 that she realises how big i was when i was pushing out of a 20!

So so so so glad I got my life on track!!!!!

it's official

i am a size 14 :)

after being told all weekend that my pants were simply too baggy, i braced myself and pulled on a pair of 100% cotton khakis that had no stretch and they fit nicely. even, dare i say, a wee bit loose! so today I pulled another pair of size 14's out of the back of the closet and lo and behold... they FIT! yeeeeeee ha. now only problem is i only have three pairs of 14s....

pretty pictures

a friend just emailed out pics taken at his parents' house last night. and for the first time in a very long time, i didn't cringe when i saw pics of me. in fact, i like them so much i'll share them.

Even from the back.... starting to look like a normal size chick!

The Jollification was this weekend. I baked 5 pumpkin rolls and about 150+ cupcakes for our bake stall. All went. It was a long weekend. I feel broken up after baking for days, spending both saturday and sunday working the booth for most of the day and then being out friday, saturday and sunday nights!

this is one of those weekends when you bump into people you haven't seen in ages and so there were lots of people who haven't seen me since before i started losing the weight. one girl i saw said hi and then came right back to tell me she'd only said hi to be polite, but it wasn't till a few minutes later that she realised who i was! got lots of compliments and was told many times that the jeans i was wearing were too big. today i'm officially wearing a pair of size 14 pants :)

hope you all had a nice weekend and i know most of you have thanksgiving celebrations to prep for. hoping your bands get you through with no major problems!

194

yes. 194. on the heavier scale! and on my home one too. That's 4lbs down since last week Friday. Things are moving. I did hop on the other crazy scale at the doc's office and it showed me at 189.4...... but i'm sticking with my 194.

all of a sudden i look years younger. or so people are telling me now all of a sudden. since i'm pushing 40 i'm all for that.

i'm rapidly growing out of clothes. officially have more pants in my 'to give away' pile than in my closet right now. this is a great problem to have, but i don't go to florida for another 3 weeks so hopefully i have enough to get me through then!

I'm really enjoying being back in the gym. shaundra kicks my butt and i love it!

ok. back to work. gonna be a few days before i get back on here for any length of time.... it's the big bake stall weekend and i've got tons more baking to do tonight and decorating cupcakes tomorrow night then working the stall on the weekend. fun times

Betsy knows best

She KNEW i had no business eating a whole slice of pumpkin roll in order to determine if it tasted good enough to sell at a charity bakesale. so what did she do? rejected it and back up came most of it. along with lots n lots of slime. that was a good hour ago and i still feel as if another trip to the bathroom could be in order. one of these days i'll learn. maybe.

good thing is, yes, it tasted great so tomorrow i'm going to whip up as many as i can be bothered to do. they'll freeze well for next weekend's bake stall. thursday night i'll be up to my ears making rainbow cupcakes. friday night/saturday morning frosting them. both saturday and sunday i'll be there all day from about 8am working the stall. hoping we raise lots of money to fund our group's various charitable endeavours.

this morning i went to our second lapband support group meeting and once again enjoyed it. it's such a diverse group, but because we share something so fundamental to our lives, we enjoy getting to know each other and sharing stories - good and bad.

spending this evening trying to pick out paint colours for the new house. who knew there were so many colours in the world. yikes.... i'm feeling overwhelmed and wishing i could afford an interior designer to do this part!

Ciao for now

Riddle me this

my weight has gone up but I didn't have a gain....

confused?

well if you recall at last week's official weigh in the scale I'd been using was freaking out so we kind of had to guesstimate. well this morning it was acting up again so I decided to give up on that scale and use the one that weighs higher, but seems to be more reliable.

so last week I was 194. this week, 198. but I was 199-point-something on that scale last week so I know I am down another pound.

it was nice to see that I was under 200 on All three scales in the office this morning.

even though the weight loss has been about a pound a week fro 2 weeks, all of a sudden people are noticing. this was a week of compliments! and ya know what, if it's going to be 1 lb a week, I'll take it gladly!

had my first training session since surgery this evening afterwork. it felt really good and I hadn't lost all my mojo as I'd feared! going mondayand wedneday next week too.

oh... and I got the courage to try on those 14's in the closet. they fit. they can be buttoned and zipped! I figure about 5 - 10 more lbs before I can say they officially fit!

Life and stuff

I know it's been a while since i posted, but i've been so busy.

spent all my free time last week packing up all my worldly belongings for Saturday's moving day. best idea i think i've ever had was having my dad hire four of his warehouse guys to come and do the heavy lifting. they got the job done!

by sunday we're moved the rest of it to my parents' house where i am once again living until the new house is ready at the end of the year. i have all the stuff i need in my old bedroom in a tiny closet with a tiny dresser so now need to really sort through all my clothes again to see what no longer fits and clear it out.

on that note... discovered a pair of size 16 avenue black jeans in my closet today.... wore them to work, but really.... they're ready for the too big pile! though i just don't feel like i'm ready for 14's.... ah well.

my mom was away this weekend and i ended up eating out with dad quite a bit... he's thoroughly amused and fascinated by my new eating habits. saturday lunch time we went to the yacht club for lunch and both ended up having the stewed conch from the buffet. i had a small spoon of grits, a bit of hte conch and a piece of johnny cake. ended up eating maybe a third of what was in the bowl and two bites of the bread.... and was full. so i asked the waiter for a to-go container. he was so concerned that i really hadn't taken much from the buffet that he went and filled the container about halfway before brining it to me to put my leftovers in. let's just say i'm still eating stewed conch for breakfast.

i am eating tiny portions, not snacking and making really good choices. i'm getting in walking at least every other day. still the weight isn't falling off of me. i am surprised that it's so slow, but not bothered. i know i'm going to get there and stay there. i know i somehow need to up my water in take again. still not getting in enough and it doesn't help that it's cooled down a bit and is freezing in my office so i'm not as thirsty.

left work a half hour earlier today so i could make it home before dark and get a walk in. ended up taking my parents' 85lb boxer for a half hour walk. no. scratch that. he took me. it was great because i was forced to walk a lot faster than i would on my own. tomorrow night is maddy's turn. she's smaller, but not quite as good on a leash so should be interesting!

ok. i'm done rambling.

Jerk Chicken...

...is not as nice when it's coming back up. just thought I'd share that with you.

Weekly weigh in

And down another pound. At least we think I am.

The surgeon's office has a couple of scales. The two i typically hop on are about 5lbs off from one another. I use the weight on the lowest recording one. The highest showed me down about a pound (perhaps and a few ounces) from what I was on that one last week. But the other scale was acting all stoopid and giving different numbers (pounds apart) each time. So we figured that based on the higher recording scale and my home scale that i'm down about a pound.

funny how once upon a time i'd have been bothered by not having an exact record of my loss. this time i'm not sweating it. i do hop on my home scale daily, but that's just so i can be as on top of things as i can be. i know that if i suddenly see things going up that i need to take check and get back on track. i don't beat myself up over higher numbers and don't get out of control crazed and excited over lower ones.

it's nice not to be as crazy about weight and food and all these such matters. i'm just doing what i should be doing and letting the band and my efforts take their course.

am up to my eyeballs in packing tape and boxes this week. we're moving all my furniture and boxes into my parents' warehouse on saturday morning so i have got to get it done by then. so starting saturday night i'll be camping out at my parents' house until my new house is complete at the end of the year.

Next week... once all this madness is done, i intend to get back into the gym at my nutritionists' wellness centre. I miss the butt kicking and know that ramping up my exercise will get the weight loss going at a nice clip again

ewwwwwww..... YUCK

So I've now had two stuck episodes. Not fun.

First was with some fish late last week. Had three small bites. thought i'd chewed well. stuck. i get the stuck feeling right in my throat... not in the middle of my chest as is the case with others. well it didn't come back on its own, but the minute i put some effort in, up came the well chewed fish... and lots of that icky slime i've only before heard about.
the second time was saturday morning while having breakfast in our little hotel restaurant with my dbf. we were in Harbour Island which is renowned for its bread. So stupid me has a bit. it was lightly toasted so i thought i'd be safe. not so. stuck. my dbf said i turned bright pink as i excused myself upstairs to the room and up it came.
not pretty.

other than that, betsy and i have been doing ok... me learning how she works and all.
we had a lovely weekend away and i must say, that no matter how much you read up on this whole banding thing, no one can truly prepare you for just how little you're going to be able to eat. it's amazing.
that said, i truly enjoyed every bit that i did eat. including the hazlenut and chocolate truffle for dessert saturday night. it's so nice to really take the guilt out of the occasional indulgence.
had a lot more juices than i usually have while i was away this weekend so it's back to water water water... don't need those empty calories all the time!

Lost and Gained... and Onederland

What I've lost:

That's since June 15 when i started this journey.

Since being banded September 22 I've lost 20.2lbs

Since my first 6cc Big Girl Fill last Thursday evening I've lost 7.6lbs


That put me firmly in Onederland ladies!!!!!

Unbelieveable. that means i've had a loss rate of @3.4lbs a week.

What I've gained:

• Confidence
• A big smile
• Bigger eyes
• a smaller wardrobe
• energy
• a whole new relationship with food
• some incredible legs
• the ability to cross those legs
• collarbones
• emerging hip bones
• the realisation that i don't have to cram myself against the wall when passing someone in a hallway or a stairwell so that they can fit
• had to move my steering wheel down to a more ergonomically comfortable height because i don't need lots of room for my thighs
• extra room in theatre and airplane seats
• i can dash up and down the stairs without feeling like 
• a) i'll pass out
• b) i'll fall down
• c) i'll have to stop because my knee hurts

These are just a few of the many benefits i've seen since starting this journey.

Just wanted to share :)

She sure showed me!

I'm talking about Betsy the Band. She showed me who's boss. Who's in charge. Who's driving this train.

Last night i went to a dinner meeting where they had vegetarian chili. it was very watered down and not a heck of a lot of beans in it. i only ate about 1/4 of a small cup of it and even though i wasn't particularly hungry, when i came home i nibbled on and finished a clif bar because i knew i needed more protein and calories.

since it went down rather smoothly, i thought maybe Betsy and my stomach had finally gotten acquainted and loosened their choke hold on me.

Not so.

this morning i ate a mini babybel light on the way to work. no problem. then i started in on my chobani greek yogurt. once again, took me about an hour to finish. sigh.

about an hour (11:45ish) later i drove to the foodstore to buy some fish and sweet potatoes from the deli for my lunch. i got back and thought hmmmm.... i really should try to eat some of this before my next slew of meetings. note.... i was not in the least bit hungry.

i managed about 3 small bites and that was it. Betsy said HELL to the NO missy!!!!!

So I closed up the container and put it aside.

I had a coffee from starbucks since I needed to go there for a job. I'm all of a sudden becoming a coffee drinker since the band. weird.

It's now 6pm and I'm home and just now feeling like tackling the fish and sweet potato again because I actually AM hungry.  Have to get some in before I go walking in about 20 minutes.

This Betsy chick has gotten awfully bossy since her fill.

I officially weigh in at the surgeon's office tomorrow morning (part of his agreeing to do the surgery is that you agree to weigh in weekly).

ladies... I can SMELL onederland. And boy does it smell GOOD

Marathon Bahamas

don't get excited folks.... i don't plan on running this in January.

Just thought since there were so many avid runners amongst us that i'd post a link to the second annual Marathon Bahamas. It's a Susan G Komen race as well as a Boston marathon qualifier. Pass it on to friends who are also marathon runners or wannabes. there's a 6-leg relay option as well as a half marathon.

http://www.marathonbahamas.com/

T-I-G-H-T!

just when i thought either Betsy was loosening her grip on my innards.... or i was starting to get used to this sensation..... I had lunch.

Well.... let me re-phrase.... I tried to start lunch.

Breakfast was a mini Baby-bel light round and half a leftover clif bar. i nibbled at both and they generally went down ok.

An hour afterwards i started sipping my water in earnest. Managed to get through most of a 20fl oz bottle before deciding it was time to try lunch. Note. I wasn't in the least bit hungry, but i have to find a way to get my nutrition in.

so i grabbed my orange coloured baby spoon (i got a multi pack) and started in on my non fat chobani peach greek yogurt. managed about 3 little spoonfuls and it really feels like i'm force feeding it down.

i'm beginning to wonder if Dr D put the band around the bottom of my throat instead of the top of my stomach (ha ha) because since the fill it's felt like i have a huge lump in my throat.

So i stopped the force feeding and will try some more in a minute. i've got to get these 14 grams of protein in!

Thanks Christine who shared that when you get close to the sweet spot.... which i could be with an initial 6cc fill.... that your stomach is a bit swollen and you just have to ride with it to for a while see if you truly have restriction.

And they shall call her.... Betsy

betsy the band, that is.

For years now i've called the gps in rental cars Betsy. No idea where the name came from, but it fits. I decided to also dub my band Betsy because she's the one who will keep me on track when I start to get lost.

Ok... so a re-cap of the first 3 days post BIG GIRL FILL.

Thursday night
I had the fill @ about 6pm and when some Ensure went down (albeit very slowly) I was cleared to go. All I had that night was sips of water, but I wasn't hungry so no problem

Friday
woke up with a gurgling tummy but wasn't hungry. Decided that even though our office protocol is full foods the day after a fill, I was too skeered to chance it so heated up a 1/4 cup of squash soup. I ate/drank it very slowly and although it was slloooooooow going down, there was no sense of it coming back up.
Lunch - just kept on sipping water and didn't bother with the greek yogurt i'd brought in.
Dinner - mom gave me some delish homemade lentil soup. Figured if I had troubles I could toss it in the blender, but it went down. Once again, I ate slowly and chewed it all to nothing.

Saturday
had an early morning facial so skipped breakfast other than a soft cheese triangle. For lunch I had a vanilla latte from Starbucks. Am not a coffee drinker but i thought warm beverage would loosen me up a bit. Can't remember what I had for lunch but dinner was a mini babybel light cheese round (50 calories, 3g fat and 6g protein) and a few verrrrrry well chewed small bites of a delish hamburger, sausage and jalapeno cheese dip i made for my dbf. the dip took a long time to move on through.
My dbf was fascinated with how little my nibbles of the cheese were and how long it lasted me.

Sunday
this morning I made a 2 egg scramble and 3 slices of turkey bacon. Managed to chew chew chew the bacon and had about 1/3 of the eggs.
Lunch was 1/4 cup very mayo-ey chicken salad and a babyel cheese round.
Dinner... even though really wasn't hungry (which is CRAZY) I had 1/4 cup of the lentil soup and another cheese round. Make that two cheese rounds. Needed to up the protein so decided to tempt fate with another and it went down.

I know i'm not yet getting in enough, but I feel fine and have lots of energy so gonna ride this train for now.

It's weird how slowly things go down, but I'm sure it'll loosen up a bit and also I'll get used to it. Today was a much better day than yesterday and Friday so already I'm seeing improvement.

I tried to take the liquid multivitamin my nutritionist got for me and almost threw up. Man that stuff is N-A-S-T-Y! I immediately blackberry messaged my dad who's in Florida for the weekend and asked him to go to CVS and get me some chewable and some gummy vitamins. I know they're no way near as good for me as the liquid nastiness, but I figure they'll be better for me than the nothing i'd be getting if that's my only option.

went for a nice long power walk this evening. need to get back to making it a regular event. going again tomorrow as well, but tuesday and thursday evenings i can't so maybe i'll force myself to get up and get it out of the way in the morning.

other than that not much going on. spent much of the weekend packing boxes. even though i see the packed up and labelled boxes piling up, it still doesn't feel like i'm accomplishing much more than making a huge mess!! I hate this.... and to think at some point in the next few months I'll be unpacking it all in the new house. exciting, but lotsa work!

Since the fill it looks like I'm down about 3lbs which is great considering I'd not really been losing in the past 2 weeks.

Ok my lovelies.... off to shower and hop in bed with my kindle

fast food?!?

Stumbled upon this interesting article on why McDonalds burgers and fries never decompose or get moldy. Glad I gave this crap up a long time ago. I suggest anyone hungering for a big mac give this article a read and let me know if you really still want one!

my first fill - a recap

first off. i survived.

before i get into the blow by blow, i'll share my surgeon's pre-fill protocol since i know it's always interesting to see how there are so many different sets of rules.

• lots of water in the days leading up to it so you're well hydrated
• soft foods the day before
• refrain from having a large fill the night before
• liquids only the day of (that's leading up to and for the rest of the day after)
• no cold liquids within a half hour of fill
• no fill if it's your time of month or TOM is coming within three days

and that's it.

my fill appt was at 6 this evening. i weighed in and have lost 3lbs in the past 2 weeks. hoping it now kicks into higher gear.

so after i was weighed in, i hopped up on the table and pulled up my shirt. Dr D was there, but an associate from Belgium (i think he said) who's working with him did the actual fill once Dr D located my port.

the only pain was from the burning of the numbing shot... but it really wasn't painful... 

not sure if i felt or heard when he hit the port initially.

the weird thing was feeling something inside me as he was injecting the saline.... not so much like my stomach was being squeezed, but almost like a balloon was being blown up inside me... just felt tight inside. weird. wasn't expecting that.

so in my 10cc band i got 6ccs today!!!! water (well some ensure) went down, but i certainly couldn't gulp anything down. i only had a few sips and can still feel them going down, but definitely no urge to pb.

Dr D said hopefully i won't have to go back in till first week of december, but i do have to go in weekly to weigh in.... part of the deal!

he also said another week or so before i am cleared to get back in the gym. hoping the rainy afternoons let up so i can get my evening power walks in until then.

even though i'm cleared to start full foods tomorrow, i think i'm going to ease into it with pureeds or softs. this is gonna be interesting.

Check out a new bandster blogger

I've known Margorie since her daughter and i first met as friends. i'm so excited that she's going ahead with the band hopefully sometime next month. she was one of the first people in real life i shared my blog with and she's now started her own. Would you all do me a favour and check it out and follow her so she can get a lot of help along the way too

First Fill tomorrow

and i'm good n ready. A bit nervous... skeered it will hurt more than i'm anticipating, but i know my surgeon numbs the area.

my weight held steady over the weekend away and although i really thought that by now i'd be getting closer to onederland, i'm still not fretting. You know why?
Thursday night a friend and I did sushi (i had 5 pieces)
Friday night other friends and i did chinese takeout (i ordered the delicious whole hog snapper in ginger and scallions.... no rice... no eggroll.
Saturday was the international festival and as i mentioned in my last post, i did well
Sunday through Tuesday night I was travelling to, in or coming home from Austin. I made really good choices and kept my portions small.
Usually i'd never have such a long run of not being entirely in control of my food (by that i mean cooking and prepping every meal) without packing on 8-10lbs. easy. so no, i haven't lost, but i didn't gain and that makes me smile.

it's going to be interesting post fill to see if the band will kick into action. i've been keeping my portion sizes really at about 1/2 cup of food and am not starving by any means, but i'm very much aware that i could cram much more food into my mouth if i allowed myself to.

have been really really really making a concerted effort to chew, chew, chew.... eat slowly.... and stop drinking when i start eating..... but i'm still shoveling it in and swallowing big bits from time to time. i can see already that i'm going to end up having the mother of a pb story to share with you guys once my band is tightened.

am sure there's more to post, but this has gone on long enough.

Btw cuvycat - i LOVED what i did get to see of austin. we were stuck out at the barton creek resort for the conference which is miles away from anything, but a group of us ventured downtown monday night and had a blast!

nibbled my way around the world

My absolute favourite event here in Nassau is the International Cultural Weekend. The third weekend in October all of the different cultural groups who live here participate in this amazing 2-day weekend. There is authentic food, drinks and live entertainment from all over the world.
This year there were booths from the Bahamas, the US, Canada, Mexico, Jamaica, Guyana, Turks and Caicos, Myanmar, Greece, South Africa, Peru, India, China, Philippines, Spain, England, Scotland, and I'm sure many others I can't recall right now.
I used to call it the 'eat and drink your way around the world' weekend. Because that's what I used to do.
Not this year. This year i 'nibbled my way around the world'....... and barely that. I made a beeline for Peru for some ceviche because i Love it and this is usually the only time and place I get it. I may have eaten 1/4 of the bowl and ended up making all my friends try it because it was truly too good to throw away. I drank lots of water. For dinner I went to a Caribbean booth for some yummy jerk chicken. I ate most of a not very meaty thigh and some of the dumpling things.
I came away feeling quite satisfied and not stuffed to the gills. I haven't been drinking alcohol in quite a while so didn't miss that either.
It's a nice feeling this eating to satisfaction when satisfaction comes so quickly.
Ok.... time to get all my stuff in order because I will probably need to get up at 4:30 tomorrow morning to be at the airport for 5:30 for my 7:10am flight... I have three flights to get from Nassau to Austin. Ugh!
Was going to take a carry on suitcase since it's only 3 days and I don't need to take much, but I really don't want to have to schlep it around four airports and I'm still not sure I should be lifting heavy things so would have trouble getting it into and out of the overhead bins. So bigger suitcase checked in.
Oh... and I ran into my trainer at the festival today.... turns out he's no longer there!?!?! So sad because he really was a big part of my getting to where I am right now. i know i'll still be in good hands with the other trainer, but still. At least he managed to get a job doing what he's really trained to do - physiotherapy - so i can't fault him for moving on.
ok. now i'm really going.
laters

Not sweating the scale

I saw 205 this morning, but not sure it was a real weight. Kind of surprised that given how little i'm eating, my weight continues to bounce around the same point on the scale. But I'm truly not concerned...... which fascinates me... i've been such a scale whore my entire life that i'd normally be fretting.
This time is different for a few reasons.
1. all of a sudden people are noticing that i'm getting smaller and smaller.
2. all of a sudden, jeans that fit well a week ago are baggy and on their way to the give away pile.
3. i have a band and i'm getting a fill.

a friend of mine has rightly pointed out over the years that i would do well on diets until i went away. it's as if getting on a plane gave me license to go stupid with food. that usually began my total backslide. every. single. time.

i travel for a work conference sunday morning and i'm not worried about repeating history. why?
see #3 above. I just can't eat much even though i've not had a fill and i'm not that hungry... so i believe i'll be ok.

my first fill is scheduled for next week thursday. i understand from chats at our support group meeting that Dr D usually tries 5cc's in our 10cc band to start with.... gonna be interesting.

it's been a long, emotionally exhausting day. the board at my old company has been calling in people one at a time to let them know they're terminated. lots of people i really liked just got the shaft. seems so unfair.

*update.... i typed this post FRIDAY... must have gotten dragged away from the computer and just saw that i never published it!

groupies and sisterhoods

Yesterday I went to our first lap band support group meeting. I must admit I was hesitant at first.... never been much into the whole 'group thing'. but i'd promised i'd go and so go i did. and i'm so glad i went. There ended up being 6 of us including Sam, one of Dr Diggiss' first patients and his patient advocate. There was a lady who was banded in Mexico 4 years ago.... Her before pic was circulated and she shed many pounds and at least 10 years! She was such a wealth of information for a newbie. Sam was banded about 2 years ago, then there was another lady who'd had surgery in Mexico in August, a woman who had it done here with Dr D the week before me and finally a lovely lady who is headed to Mexico in early November because her insurance company (same stinkin one I have) denied her too.
Sam is headed to mexico with her which I'm sure will be a tremendous help. I've felt since my ordeal that ALMOST had me heading overseas for surgery, that Dr D may need to align himself with one of those docs/facilities. I would much prefer to see the people who have no choice but to go that route come into it through our intense programme so that they're as prepared for the big changes as I am.
It was a lot of fun and I suppose much as was the case for those of you who attended BOOBS in Chicago, it was a blessing to be in the company of a group of lovely women WHO GET IT! We have such different lives, but have shared the same struggle.
The night before BOOBS my friend and her mother who's already started the journey towards bandhood came over to chat about how it's going. I also wanted to give her first dibs at the huge pile of clothes I had to give away. It was great to see her try things on and have clothes to get her through the next stage of weight loss.
I took what was left to the meeting and there were a few women who were able to make good use of my cast offs.
I must say that giving them away so soon was a HUGE step for me. It means I AM NOT GOING BACK. But scary nonetheless to make that sort of committment.

Ouch

Well, I put on my big girl panties this morning and was somehow brave enough to have the extraction without sedation. The oral surgeon was really nice and once he found out that I'm not afraid of the needles, assured me that he could get me comfortable enough to be able to do the procedure and talk me through it. He warned me that the noise of breaking teeth could be disturbing so i asked if i could wear my ipod. i just cranked up the tunes and tapped my toes. i look like a half chipmunk... a bit of swelling on that side of my face. have taken my pain meds and am heeding his advice to 'stay ahead of the pain' by taking them.
what a 2 1/2 weeks this has been!

am going to rest up for a while longer and then get back to packing. i really want to get as much done before i head back to work on tuesday as possible.

bandwise all's going well. my incisions have scabbed up nicely and i'm fighting the urge to pick at them! Went to a first book club meeting with a group of friends last night and only one had seen me since surgery. they were all amazed at how much weight i've lost and were full of compliments and interesting questions about how it all works. the friend who hosted is married to a heart surgeon and for whatever reason i'd not gotten around to telling him about the surgery. he was really happy that i'd gone this route and said he firmly believes that the only way to manage morbid obesity is via surgery. that was good to hear from him. we all had a roaring discussion (bitch fest) about insurance companies too!

Tomorrow is the first lapband support group meeting and i've really got to go and support it even though it kind of isn't my thing. i have my first official weigh in tomorrow too. still down about 9-10lbs from surgery. not sure why i'm holding onto the weight... thinking i really need to have some smooth move tea as my bowels seem to have learned all that they'd been trained over the past 3 months. ugh.

ok my lovelies. i'm gonna go take a nap and pray i don't feel any major pain

Food, food, glorious food

********WARNING....... POST CONTAINS FOOD PORN************

Today I graduated to soft foods in grand style.

I'd told my best friend that I was going to make tuna and yellow grits for my first soft food day breakfast. She loves it so after she dropped her kiddos off at school, came over to indulge. I gave her a healthy portion then put less than a 1/4 cup of the grits and a half cup of the tuna in my bowl... and I couldn't finish it!

Once the torrential rain eased up and i had gotten out of my pjs, showered and dressed, we ventured out.
Went to my construction site so she could see how my house is coming along. i'm getting excited now that it's really taken shape.

Afterwards we decided to go to this lovely little restaurant out that way that does tasting menus. You get three different dishes and they're all geographically themed. There was indian, english, spanish, and a few others. I opted for the English themed menu because it had the most soft foods.
First up was the most delicious potato and leek soup. I figure there was a good cup of it in the bowl. I had less than half because I wanted to pace myself.
Next up were fluffy sausage rolls. Even though these aren't technically soft foods I had 3 of the six on my plate.
Finally was a half a salmon filet with a delish dill sauce. It was cooked to perfection and i ate it all, even though I was a bit full.

I was so amazed at how I just wasn't hungry. Before I embarked on this adventure I surely would have scarfed it all down and then possibly ordered dessert.

I'm still quite full so just had a glass of skim milk for dinner. Wonder what it's going to be like when I actually have some saline in my band.

Onto other things.

• Sad days here in The Bahamas. A charter plane crashed moments after takeoff yesterday and all 8 people onboard died. I ended up working the entire afternoon into the evening updating our newspaper website. At least i can do that remotely.
• This afternoon a friend called to ask if I'd heard about another plane crash.... turns out a 4-seater crashed in the Berry Islands north of here. Two prominent businessmen - father and son... the son was flying the plane.... and their wives... the young wife is pregnant. Various injuries, but the pilot was in pretty bad condition. Lots of prayers going out for lots of people this evening.
• Went to the dentist yesterday morning to get the crown put back in. The crown had come loose and what's left of the tooth underneath is decaying. that's how it came out while i was just drinking liquids. there's not enough left for him to get the crown back in so he says my best (read only) is extraction. And of course it's not a simple extraction so he referred me to an oral surgeon. my only question - 'can i be sedated for this?' I am the world's biggest dentalphobe. it's bad. turns out this surgeon can sedate me and i was scheduled for friday morning. but when they called to confirm the appt today i found out i wasn't booked for sedation just a 'routine extraction'. i explained to the nice lady on the phone that if there was no sedation her boss wasn't getting anywhere near my mouth. they don't do sedation on first visit (who the hell knows why) and he's not in office till Friday and has to leave at 12 and is booked solid from me at 8:15 until 12. I explained that i'm just coming of 2 1/2 weeks medical leave and can't see being able to take time off for this anytime soon.... she said come in friday morning on an empty stomach and let's see what he can do. Argh! I am more worked up about this procedure than i ever got leading into my band surgery.
• Have spent this evening packing boxes. Don't know how I'm going to get this all done, but figure if I try to tackle it a room at a time I'll see progress and be more motivated. This is a lot of work and doesn't help that I still shouldn't be lifting heavy things (like boxes filled with books and stuff).
• My closet is emptier. I sorted through all my clothes and have a HUGE pile of clothes that are way too big for me already. Too bad I can't participate in the sisterhood. Will have to start my own version of it here possibly. A friend's mother has started the pre-op part of the programme.... Not sure what size she wears, but if she can use it, she gets first dibs.

Ok - that's enough rambling from me... besides... I have boxes to pack!

How the heck did THAT happen?

Forgot to tell you about this doozy.

I have been on liquids of pureed food resembling baby food for about 3 weeks or so right now. So please someone tell me how in the world a crown at the top back of my mouth managed to fall out Friday night?!?!?! I could understand if I were chewing Now & Laters or something (yeah... that's how I pulled it out the last time this happened...) but drinking soup and gumming fully blended beans?!?! Come on!

Hoping I can get in to see my dentist tomorrow. By the way. I HATE GOING TO THE DENTIST!

First encounter with a waitress

"You really ARE a small eater!"

Yup. That was my first post-band encounter with a well meaning waitress.

A friend and I ventured out today to the downtown area and I said we could do lunch, just needed to check out menus. Well we hit up a lovely little Greek place because I knew they'd have good hummus (never mind that I had hummus for breakfast!)

I ordered the hummus appetizer and picked at it. Did not touch the pita bread that I'd forgotten to tell her not to bring. I probably ate about half of the 3/4 cup I estimate was served up.

When the waitress came to clear my friend's plate, she said what I posted above. If she only knew!

What I'm amazed at is I've been making a really concerted effort to get in all my water today. Drank a sports bottle while taking my walk around the neighbourhood this morning and have been drinking a lot all day. It's about 4 1/2 hours since that meal and I'm still quite satisfied.

Cheez Doodles

.... are NOT liquids or pureed foods even if i do let them pretty much dissolve in my mouth before swallowing. i'm just saying.
jessica and the band 0
head hunger 1

Rabbits, Rabbits, White Rabbits

An old boarding school roommate used to say "Rabbits, rabbits, white rabbits" on the first day of every month and it stuck. I googled it once, but can't remember where that comes from. oh well.

Can't believe we're in October already. Will be Christmas before we know it and I must admit there's a sense of relief that I won't be having to do the get a tree, decorate and have a huge Christmas brunch get together this year. I'll be homeless. well perhaps not and not really. Worst case I'll be back here at my parents' house. Best case I'll be moving into the new house. In any event, I am NOT doing Christmas brunch.

Talked to Dr Diggiss about the backache and he's not sure what it is, but prescribed some kiddie liquid ibuprofen and calpol and said if it gets worse to come see him Monday morning. The meds are definitely helping so hopefully the ache will be nothing more than a distant memory by Monday.

Last night ventured to my fave sushi place with my folks. It was a friend of theirs bday and they were treating him and his wife and I just really felt the need to get out and about. I had the broth from the udon noodle soup. Had a few well chewed pieces of the noodles, too, even though I'm not supposed to! It wasn't all that tasty, but I didn't feel deprived while all around me were eating one of my favourite foods.

Today I had a protein shake. Well most of it. This one is two scoops with 12 ounces water and that was just too much to drink. I've also had some more pureed baked beans and a bit of my fave Bird's custard. Starting to feel hungry. At least I think it's hunger and not just a desire to eat and feel full. Tonight I'm going to run some homemade chicken soup my mom has through the blender and see how that goes.

Definitely looking forward to Wednesday when I can have runny scrambled eggs, tuna and grits and other soft foods.

Powerwalks and Bravery

Got up this morning determined to put on my walking shoes and head out into the world. I did a half hour stroll around the neighbourhood at a pretty decent clip. Felt good to be up and about.
Ever since the incessant burping stopped on Tuesday, I've had incessant backache. It's weird in that it's mid to upper back, but It doesn't feel like it's muscular. It's just a constant dull ache. It got bad last night and kept waking me up. At least I can now lie on my tummy, so that can provide a bit of relief. I called the surgeon's office to see if he knows what's up and more importantly, can do something about it. I wonder if it's a)trapped gas or b)pain caused by a core that's weak after being sliced and diced a week ago. I'm to call back in about an hour when he's scheduled to be in office so hopefully I'll get some resolve because this is not fun.
I also went out to buy a new ceiling fan today. funny that i suffer all summer with a dead one and am now replacing it only because i have a buyer! Guess that goes along with cleaning my house before the housekeeper comes. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this.
In my title I mentioned 'bravery.' It's been interesting that a few people who've sent me notes wishing me well with my recovery have called me 'brave' for having the lap band surgery. i found that outlook interesting because bravery never really factored into it for me. i guess having lived with this obesity disease all my live i saw the surgery as essential.
the other thing that's come up since people found out i either was having or had the surgery is how many of them never saw me as 'big enough to need surgery.' at 5'5" 262.5lbs size 20 i was well and truly a candidate, but funny that they didn't see me as obese.

It's raining, it's pouring

Tropical Depression #16 is making its way towards us. The system only formed yesterday morning so its unusual to have this weather without days of anticipation and worry. It's POURING out and the winds are definitely gusting. Guess my friend who also had a surgical procedure last week and I won't be headed to the mid-day movies after all. :(

I forgot to mention the other day that when I met with Dr Diggiss we set the date for my first fill. October 21st. Should be interesting!!!

Today was the day i could move on to full liquids and pureed foods. Of course this morning I woke up and really had to think about what I wanted for breakfast because I really wasn't hungry. Anyway, i decided to play it safe and had 1/4 cup of low fat vanilla yogurt. It was very yum and although i probably could have had easily twice as much of it, I don't feel hungry. I think for lunch I may puree down my fave vegetarian baked beans and see how that goes. I also have a smorgasbord of homemade soups to choose from so no worries about me starving.

Hopped on the scale this morning (as I always do) and down to 207.8. Holy smokes I'm getting close to Onderland. It's crazy to think that when I first met with Sam the patient advocate for the lapband programme, I couldn't even envision being 230 at that point. I still have to remind myself that although it seems like forever because I've been so committed and learned so much, I only started this process on June 12. holy smokes!

Oh.... some good non-band related news. i got a firm offer on my condo yesterday. Thank JESUS. It's been on the market since early January and other than one ridiculously insulting low ball offer just after it was listed.... nothing..... I'm building a house that will be ready by the end of the year/early January for me to move into and I really didn't want to be carrying both. I had someone else already scheduled to come look at it yesterday afternoon so told them that i have an offer and will need a decision because i need to respond to the potential buyer. will call the second people today to see if they want it, if not, i'm accepting. it's about $10k lower than appraised, but in this market that's pretty good!!!!

So looks like next week while I'm still off work but should have lots more energy I'll be starting the sorting and packing process. They want to close within 45 days. Looks like I could be moving back here to my old bedroom at my parents' house for a month or so if all goes well.

Ok.... off to do some editing work

Day Five Post Op

Can't believe I haven't been on here since Friday. All's going well, but have been more or less chilling and checking emails on my bberry and haven't bothered powering up the laptop until tonight. it's been kind of refreshing not to be tethered to it for a few days actually.

ok. so here goes with recovery update.

today the gas FINALLY subsided. Good LORD that was pretty awful. No shoulder tip pain, but I swear I burped non-stop from the time I was in the recovery room. Today it's been really quite bearable though there is still a bit of gas still in me.

in large part due to that, today i've gotten in far more liquids than i have any other day. Thursday or Friday night I was developing a helluva headache and I know it was from being dehydrated. My diet so far has consisted of popsicles (for some reason they were going down easier than sipping liquids was in the early days), chicken broth, the broth from wonton soup my parents had, apple/grape/lemon/ginger juice i made myself, coconut water and water. Not very inspiring, but i'm amazed that 5 days out i'm still not in the least bit hungry and having to remind myself to drink. i know that will change soon, but enjoying it for the time being.

Gross out alert - Had first bowel movements today. Absolute liquid, but at least things are starting to move along.

Had my first doctor's visit with Dr Diggiss this morning and he removed the bandaging so i can finally see my incisions. He was pleased with my healing and progress and Wednesday i've been given the go ahead to move on to both full liquids and pureed foods. that will be good as i'll be able to start getting my protein in.

i was shocked at how exhausted my little outing to the doctor's office made me. i came home, said i was going to take a nap, and woke up 3 hours later! Hoping that doesn't prevent me from sleeping well tonight.

thinking maybe wednesday night i may move back to my place. it's nice being at mom and dad's though.... i think i may go stir crazy being on my own at home for almost 2 weeks.

with the bandages off i was able to have my first shower today. Bliss. Though my friend michelle who's also my hairdresser did come over yesterday to wash my hair in the kitchen sink. i have super oily hair and skin so 5 days of no shampoo was awful. i was prescribed an antibiotic liquid soap and an antibiotic ointment that i need to use for the next 10 days.

oh... and since surgery i've lost 6lbs taking me to 210. that's down 52.5 since starting the process in mid-June. Wow.... just realised that I've officially lost more than half the weight to get to my initial goal of 160. amazing.

will take tummy pic tomorrow to post. promise

Day two post op

I'm starting to feel human again. The gas is still working its way out. I've been burping pretty much non stop since recovery room. But last night Dr Diggiss told me to get some liquid gravol to help with the nausea and help me sleep. I got in a few good hours before gas build up forced me awake and up for a bit. Took some more gravol and had a bit more sleep - probably should have upped the dosage since the liquid form is for children.

Still no real pain from any of the incision points. I'd post a pic, but mine are all covered up with bandages and tape so really nothing to see yet. Those don't come off until I see Dr D on Monday morning for my follow up.

I'm taking in more liquids today after nothing more than about a cup and a half over the past 2 days. Critical to get the liquids in so I'm doing my best.

Absolutely no hunger still which surprises the heck out of me. Will be thrilled if that keeps up at least until I graduate to full liquids which should be mid next week.

Just washed my hair with a no-water shampoo I discovered a few weeks before surgery. I have super oily skin and hair so not being able to shower and wash it was going to drive me nuts. at least now i feel a bit more clean.

Definitely feeling more up to walking around today than i had before so just puttering around the house. it's way too hot to venture outside just yet, plus until i'm getting in more and more liquids i really don't want to chance it.

ok. back to recuperating..

oh - and to everyone in chicago - HAVE A BLAST!!!!

middle of the night ramblings

I intend to post often because this immediate post-op stuff was what i really devoured in everyone else's blog.... so hopefully newbies will find my experiences helpful.

C02 gas is OF THE DEVIL. Luckily I read in the blog world about Gas-x strips and stocked up while I was away last week. and luckily the gas seems quite happy to come out in huge burps rather than get lost and travel up to my shoulders.

what this means though is so far I've managed to sleep a whopping 1/2 hour tonight. it's 1:37 right now and  it's burp fest in here.

I've also learned that the C02 gas tastes the same coming out as it did going in. kinda wishing this gas would start pushing out the other end as it's made me quite nauseous and i'm desperately trying to force back the vomiting attempts by body is making on its own.

Since getting home from hospital around 3:30 yesterday afternoon i've consumed about 1/4 cup of water, 2 table spoons of liquid ibuprofen and that's it. it's all making me nauseous. hoping a night of burping this gas out will mean i can start consuming liquids tomorrow without incident. Besides - i need to start taking my liquid antibiotics tomorrow as well.

on another topic - i took the plunge and announced on facebook last night that my lap band surgery had gone A-OK...... very few people on facebook knew I was having the surgery before that. but the support and kind comments have been overwhelming.

in fact, a friend called and confided that she'd had the surgery in mexico about 4 years ago!!!! I thought it was very cool that my sharing my story encouraged her to share hers with me.

ok..... gonna go walk around again in hopes i can push this crap out of my body!

Alive and well

I'll blog the full experience tomorrow, but just wanted post quickly to let you know i'm alive. i'm well. and i'm banded!

got home around 3:30 this afternoon and have slept on and off most of the time. no pain to speak of other than a throbbing in my middle back. no idea what that's caused by. have had a heating pad on for a while to try and ease that.... it's kind of like the backache you get with period cramps, but not as low down.

i've had next to no liquids today..... even a sip makes me feel nauseous. was just walking slowly around the house with my dbf when a serious wave of nausea hit... so i'm back in bed and doing all i can to prevent throwing up.

hoping tomorrow i'll be able go drink my clear liquids and move around a bit more. so far none of that shoulder tip pain i'd been dreading, but perhaps that's what's causing the back pain. and i'm burping pretty well.

thanks all for the well wishes and for keeping me in your prayers today. the love is being felt for sure!

Jessica

tick tock - one more sleep

until I'm banded!

It's 10:30 at night and i'm only just settling down. have to be at the hospital at 6:30am (it's a 5 min drive at that time) so am sleeping at my parents' house tonight. this will be my recovery room i imagine for a week or so until i feel i can manage the three flights of stairs and being alone at my place.

I'm just going to say that picking up a close friend who's just had her own surgical procedure and then spending the next 4 hours taking care of her until her daughter got done with school is probably NOT the best way to spend the night before surgery!

She had an eyelid lift and i think a brow lift and was in MUCH worse shape than i was prepared for. I'm guessing the plastic surgeon doesn't give the full run down to patients for fear they'd freak out and back out.

when i got the call to come for her, i showed up and was given the laundry list of instructions.... including feed her something like mashed potatoes when i got her home..... urgh?!?! i was taking her straight to her house and had no idea what she had available so since she was going to be a little while longer in recovery i dashed around the corner to the KFC drive thru to pick up some mashed potatoes for her.....

yes.... torture.... here i am on clear liquids only having to go to the KFC drive thru!!!

So... onto my surgery..... it's been a helluva ride to get to this point. 3 weeks ago i wasn't even sure it was going to happen. i have faith that this all happened for a reason and i'm going to end up helping lots of others along the way :)

i'm surprisingly not nervous tonight. tomorrow morning may be another story, but i'll deal with that when and if it happens.

i'm excited. excited to be getting my life in order. going further along the road to being the healthiest, fittest, sexiest, happiest me.

i know that post surgery is not going to be easy, but i really do believe that i am extremely well prepared thanks to the intense 3 month programme i've been in. my portion sizes are itty bitty and that's been a gradual weaning down in amount and type of food i consume. and it really hasn't been hard. perhaps because i knew in the back of my head that there was a prize (a band) at the end of the road.

i'm a little bugged that i forgot to bring the horrendous bikini that i've been taking starting and progress pics in. i had planned on taking a set of pics tonight. oh well. i'll do them in a few days when i have scars to show.

speaking of scars. i once wrote a piece in college about how scars are our battle wounds. most of them... the good ones.... have a story to accompany them. like the long thin one along my lower right arm -- i was running around, tripped and sliced it open on a sprinkler head......  and the one on my right index finger knuckle earned when i broke a glass while washing dishes as a kid.....

i have scar therapy stuff (jury's out on how well any of it actually works) but even though i'm adding  more scars to the three gall bladder (laproscopic surgery) and long appendix one (not laproscopic) i'm not going to be ashamed of my scars. i've fought hard for them and they'll serve as a reminder of what i've done to get fit, healthy and sexy.

ok..... if you're still with me -- you're a TROOPER.

Will catch up on the other side.... when i reveal my band's name :)

One week left!

It JUST dawned on me that this time next week, I'll be banded. Wow!

The hotel gym

was the happenin' place this evening. Despite having walked a lot today with my travels and then a jaunt around the mall next to the hotel, I made good on my promise to my trainer and hit the hotel fitness centre. I didn't get there until about 8:30 and was shocked that just after I hopped on a treadmill, the place filled up. There had to be at least 10-12 people in the gym and another 5-6 in the indoor pool.

I got myself one of the cute new little ipod nanos today and took that with me to keep me entertained, but was thrilled to discover the cardio machines were all equipped with televisions.

i also got a new pair of tennis when i hit the mall. desperately needed some and these are really comfy. thinking before I leave on Saturday I might break down and invest in a pair of running shoes too..... may be getting ahead of myself, but i really do wanna do a 5k at some point.

before i hit the mall, i got a cab to the nearest wholefoods. I had pre requested a refrigerator in my hotel room and was pleasantly surprised that instead of just shoving a fridge in  little room, they upped me to a big room with a fridge, kitchen sink and microwave. Yipppppeeeeeee!!!!!!! membership does have its privileges.

So at wholefoods I stocked up on two soups, a couple varieties of beans from their hot food bar, some vanilla and some honey ciobani greek yogurts, two containers of fresh, sliced, organic mixed berries and then i hit the juice bar! The one i've been to in florida doesn't have one of these wonderful features. i got 16oz of two of the daily specials -- all sorts of yummy fresh fruits already mixed and i also got a 1oz shot of wheatgrass.

I brought my magic bullet with me so was able to completely blend the soup. yum.

i feel quite proud of myself for sticking with the plan.

and now i'm beat so it's off to bed

My God! They do exist!!!!

My collarbones, that is. All of a sudden, they've made an appearance :)

I think my body has undergone some major shifts in size and shape in the last week. My trainer told me he sees that I'm really slimming down and started calling me 'Slim'. lol. far from it, but nice to hear!

My nutritionist is a godsend. We sat down after my training session last night and went over the eating game plan from now until surgery IN A WEEK AND A HALF..... she's taken me off the full liquids while I'm travelling and says I can go ahead with the soft/pureed foods stage. That will make travelling and staying in a hotel a heck of a lot easier and she was concerned about my low energy levels experienced over the weekend of doing liquids only. As soon as I get back Saturday evening I'm back on full liquids until tuesday evening when i have nothing in prep for surgery the next morning.

I hopped on her scales and was down to 222 1/2 - that's about 7 1/2 down in 3 days of liquids and officially 40lbs gone.

Ok my lovelies. Hoping i'll have time to check in to post and read while i'm away, but for now need to go finish my laundry - was just too tired last night to deal.

I hate packing

I hate packing even more when all of a sudden, nothing in my closet seems to fit! I'm headed to Atlanta tomorrow for a workshop and ended up spending way more time than i'd anticipated sorting out clothes to take because i've clearly gone down a pant size!

Don't get me wrong.... i am NOT complaining about this situation at ALL!!!!! It was amusing last night to see how some of those pants just don't cut it anymore and then had to dig around to try on the next size. So I've officially gone from bustin' out of my 20's into a 16.

The pants I'm wearing today I think are on their last wear. They're an 18, but have some stretch to them so while they start out ok in the morning, by mid day, they are baggy.

good things. but i still have to pack tonight! ugh!!!!

another thing struck me today..... i am a scale whore. every day, sometimes many times a day, i hop on that scale to see what it's going to tell me. this works for me, so not looking for any well intentioned advice against my habit. i mention it only to say that i found myself this morning wondering if the hotel fitness centre (which looks quite nice) has a scale. if not, i'm going to be clueless as to my weight for 5 days! if there is no scale i guess the only solace is i'm on a liquid diet so it really can only go down from here so i'll have a nice BIG surprise when i get home.

Thoughts on the liquid diet and brazillians

So this is day three and I'm actually enjoying this. Call me crazy, but I think having the Omega juicer and the vitamix blender is really and truly helping me along.

that and the fact that since starting it friday morning i've lost close to 6 more lbs! I'd been hovering around 227 on my scale (which i think is about 3 pounds lighter than my nutritionist's scale) for a couple of weeks. This morning i saw 221.6 on the scale! At this rate i should be well into the 2-teens by the time i hit surgery!

that means i've lost more than 40lbs since starting the pre-surgery programme nearly 13 weeks ago. That's 3.14lbs a week average. Stoked!!! How amazing if I can knock off another 10lbs before surgery in a week and a half and that would mean I managed to lose half of my goal weight loss without the aid of the band.

This morning I juiced cucumber, lime and frozen strawberries and whipped them up into a smoothie with low fat vanilla yogurt. got a good amount of protein in the yogurt so didn't mix in protein powder.

at noon am headed out in the boat for what will likely be my last time at Rose Island this year so just juiced some tangelos, an orange, some ginger and lime and put it in a flask. will take a scoop of protein powder to shake in when it's time to eat. also taking along a few coconut waters to get me by.

Soooo.... a few of you have asked me to report in on yesterday's brazillian bikini wax. Let's just say it wasn't as humiliating as i'd anticipated. my technician was extremely professional. she was also really good. it took a while because she explained she prefers to use smaller strips in order to minimise pain. it was also a LOT less painful than i'd anticipated. the left side really didn't hurt at all.... the right side, for some odd reason, was more sensitive and it smarted a bit more, but still not something i'd rank highly (if at all) on the list of most painful experiences.

That said, not sure it's a look i'd go for just for shits and giggles.

Cheerio

It finally feels real

Up until now I've not really gotten into the whole band thing. I've been following my nutrition programme and working out like a demon and losing weight, but until I got that call from the surgeon Thursday night I wasn't really on the 'bandwagon'.

Well all that has changed.

Even though the nutritionist said we could start liquids after I see her Monday evening, I decided to start them yesterday (how's THAT for motivation!) because I'd rather have the weekend to get used to it since I travel Tuesday.

I picked up my huge tubs of Raw Protein and Raw Meal both by Garden of Life and started liquids only yesterday.

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY glad I got that super duper juicer and the vitamix blender now! So far I've been juicing oranges and tangelos, apples, had coconut water and made broth with an Oxo cube. So far so good, but it's only been a day and a meal. I am sure tomorrow I'm going to be a raging biatch!!

But I think the fight I went through last week just to be able to have this surgery has numbed any urge to complain about the prep process.

Am having a Brazillian (probably not EVERYWHERE) today as part of my surgery prep. Would rather have my bits waxed by a professional than shaved with a pink plastic bic razor at the hospital!! This is going to be interesting as I've never done anything more than bikini line waxing before.

The Gods are smiling...

...and so am I!

After a week of hell created by the stupid insurance company, things have ended on a high note. Surgery is going ahead on the 22nd of this month. That's like a week and a half away!

I will be doing self pay locally, but it won't be at the full amount. My surgeon is determined to have me in his programme and is 'committed' to doing whatever it takes. 

Looks like the hard work I've put into the pre-op programme has paid off in ways I never imagined. 

I am exhausted from the array of emotions I've gone through this week, but so happy. I think somewhere in the back of my mind leading up to this week was still a niggling thought about whether I truly needed this lapband surgery. well having the option seemingly ripped away from me by the insurance company made me realise how badly i want and need this. and now, with so many amazing people so solidly in my corner,  i KNOW i will succeed.

my nutritionist feels i'm ok waiting till I go to her place Monday for a training session to get started on the liquids only diet, but since I'm travelling Tuesday through Saturday, I've decided I'd rather ease into it now so by the time i'm getting on a plane and staying in a hotel, I'm in a good groove. So this morning I juiced oranges. YUM.

Will pop into her office after a mid-morning meeting out her way to get the protein powder and other goodies I'm gonna need.

I've got a crazy schedule from now through mid October at this point - In Atlanta Tues 14-Sat 18 for a workshop. At work Mon and Tuesday 20 and 21. Surgery Wednesday 22. Back to work Monday October 11 or Tuseday 12 beause I *think* the 11th is a public holiday. Then off to Austin Texas for a conference October 17-19. Yikes!

Thanks to everyone who's sent such nice messages throughout this ordeal. looks like the positive vibes really do work :)

i was dealing with a moron

so here's the deal. i was denied because

a) I have only been working with the nutritionist and trainer for a three months and this insurance company has decided they require a year

and

b) because i am not morbidly obese because i've been working with the nutritionist and trainer for 3 months and 'am doing so well.'

What the HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I felt like i was losing my mind in the that conversation.

Told the doctor from the insurance company who called me that their policy is insane and that it's CRIMINAL to require me to participate in a programme for an entire year that they don't cover.

I asked if anyone who had just made this decision that will impact MY life has ever been diagnosed as morbidly obese..... she said no, but i don't think that has any bearing.... i said of course it does because

a) none of you can truly empathise with my situation

and

b) this is fat prejudice at its very worst!

arghhhhhhhh...... my boss is still going to make the call, but i somehow doubt they're going to change their minds.

but that's ok..... since i can't afford to spend nearly $500 a month for a year to only be told no, you've lost way too much weight to need this surgery, then maybe i'll just walk away from it all, pack on a hundred pounds instead of losing it, develop diabetes, heart disease or blood pressure (or how about all three) and then see if they'll approve me because i'm finally sick enough in their books.

i just want to stab someone at that insurance company in the eye with my car key right about now.

It's safe to read this one.... there may be hope... and i've stopped cussin'

thanks you guys who commented below. For those who were skeered to read the post below because of the cussin warning, essentially I found out this morning that the insurance company denied me for lapband surgery and i have to wait till tomorrow to find out why because they didn't have the decency to offer an explanation even to my surgeon. this after receiving a 29 page report compiled by 4 medical specialists who've been working with me over the past 3 months!!!

 I've had many rants and shed many a tear today. Oh yeah. And cussed a helluva lot more than I ever do!

There is possibly a light at the end of the tunnel though. I spoke with my boss about the situation (he didn't know what surgery I was scheduled to be having before encountering me with red eyes and slobbery nose this morning). He is going to go to bat for me!!!! Said to speak with the insurance company doc tomorrow as planned and if i don't get any resolution, he'll give a higher up a call and tell them to get off their asses and approve me because the company has no problem with it and will eventually end up paying out.

Soooooo...... wednesday morning i'm meeting with the nutritionist to get started on my 2 week pre-surgery liquid hell. Figure it would REALLY suck if we fight city hall (well the insurance company) and then i end up not being able to have the surgery because i didn't do the required diet.

why do i have to be the one blazing the trail around here?

So pleeeeeeeeeease - fingers, toes and eyes crossed (though the eye thing gives you a raging headache if you do it too long) and positive vibes that i can win this battle.